Accidents Happen — So Give Us Better Bedpads


Regan LintonI remember the first time I had a bowel accident after I was paralyzed.

I was at a movie with my best friend a few days after leaving rehab. Apparently, the thrill of being out of rehab and back in a movie theater gave my body a great sense of freedom. I thought someone behind me was passing a lot of gas. Near the end of the film, I realized my rehab constipation had ended and stool softeners had finally worked their magic — yay! Ugh.

Transferring in and out of my friend’s adorable VW Jetta, I smeared all sorts of bodily waste, trying to wipe it off as I went — with no success … poop gets everywhere. My friend graciously insisted that it was totally fine, no big deal, she’d go get it washed.

When I finally got to the hotel room where I was temporarily living during house renovations, a tsunami of emotion overwhelmed my 20-year-old self. As my sister helped with logistics — pants, transferring, rinsing, cleaning, wiping — every moment felt like a thousand hours, especially accompanied by my uncontrollable sobbing.

I was shaken by the reality of newly unpredictable physical processes, and fear that poop now ruled my life.

Fast-forward almost 19 years. The emotional impact of that event still occasionally bubbles up if I have a bowel routine that isn’t very “results oriented.” (“Does this mean I’m gonna shit my pants today?”) Or when I have unexpected stomach rumblings. Or when I’m with a sexual partner, and I’m not sure if this is gonna be the time that my body finally goes “whoopsiedaisies!” while he’s on top of me or — yikes — staring my lady-parts in the face.

But now I’ve learned to manage my body so that these scenarios are few and far between. I can recognize odd stomach feelings. I monitor my non-feeling parts with my feeling hands to identify unexpected bodily fluid before it gets out of hand. I have the extra cushion covers, bed pads, pants, wipes, all of the elements for a seamless cleanup.

With all of this comes power. One of my favorite Buddha quotes is, “Everything we are arises from our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” Now I have agency over the mess — the knowledge to change how I perceive it, to know it doesn’t consume who I am, and the power to deal with it.

When it comes down to it, bodies have natural processes like pooping that we should never feel ashamed of, especially when we have completely reasonable circumstances — like a catastrophic injury — that cause an occasional hiccup. And let’s be honest, people poop their pants all the time for much more frivolous reasons.

Why don’t we have an overall more affirmative culture around bodily mess and accidents? I’m not saying we should intentionally go around pooping our pants in public, but maybe we could have less anxiety around it. Beyond a car seat shampoo, it’s really not a big deal … better to laugh about it and be open and honest about the fact that it can and will happen.

This means we have to identify the little elements in our lives where we can reclaim power over shame, embarrassment or apprehension.
Hence, bedpads.

Make Bedpads Attractive Already!

I love bedpads. They are a simple and brilliant tool for managing the aforementioned human messes with alacrity. When my bladder occasionally leaks unexpectedly in the middle of the night, I can swiftly pull the bedpad off the top of my sheets, throw a new one on, and voila! Back asleep within 10 minutes.

But bedpad designs leave a lot to be desired. The bedpad industry has decided that bedpad users should apparently be style-less, feeling like we are still in the hospital being pumped full of stool softeners. The common bedpad is white with pastel pink or blue backing and easily stained and tarnished. A search for more stylish designs yield uninspired options: Grandpa’s dark navy plaid or Grandma’s pink flowers. (Just because I occasionally pee on myself doesn’t mean I am ready for the 80-year-old fashions. Grandma and Grandpa probably hate those options, too.) Worst of all, if you look up pee pads for dogs, it is literally the exact same product. I love dogs, but come on.

We deserve better. Design them in a way that doesn’t reinforce any shame or embarrassment about our bodily functions but makes them a source of style and confidence — a way to say when you pull down the blankets, “This is who I am, mofo. Take it or leave it.” Or a way to still look put together in your wheelchair without bits of bright blue chux popping out from under your butt.

I was overjoyed when I was recently on Etsy and came across QuiltyConscienceME, the brainchild of Carin Morse, a mom, medical assistant and granddaughter of a master quilter who retreats to her sewing machine at the end of the day. She was inspired to start sewing bedpads after working as a nurse. “I remember I would get the chux off the laundry cart when I was 19 or 20. I’d say, ‘These are horrible! Why are we putting these under people?’ And I was told, ‘This is what we have.’” After becoming a mom, she also realized the necessity to create something that wouldn’t be a source of embarrassment for her autistic daughter to take to sleepovers.

She makes bedpads that are everything we deserve. The materials pleasing to the touch and non-irritating to skin. They’re absorbent, holding up to 2.5 pounds of liquid, sustainable and environmentally friendly, since they can be reused for years. They’re also affordable and, best of all, stylish. Her bedpads are anything but bland and embarrassing, with every kind of design — Yoda, horses, Red Sox, cacti, or custom designs of your choosing. “We shouldn’t be ashamed of the things our bodies do naturally,” she says. “It’s just an added safety net, another piece of fun linen on your bed.”

For those of us with disabilities, our lives are filled with unique items and ways of doing things that aren’t the norm for many nondisabled folks. And with many of these items, from wheelchairs to bedpads, we often settle into how they were first presented to us. We get stuck in “this is what we have.” But we have the power to turn them into “this is who I am.” Time to pull that raggedy, ugly, stained white bedpad off your sheets, and replace it with a gigantic Wonder Woman logo, or whatever will make you laugh and feel pretty cool, even when you pee all over it.

Like all humans, we are living, evolving, growing beings. We deserve to throw away old notions of ourselves that don’t serve us anymore — such as the 20-year-old who smeared poop in a friend’s car after a movie — and move on to the confident embodiment of all that we can be … the person who will laugh about it.


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tuffy
tuffy
2 years ago

Awesome
Thanks so much for the great story (can’t tell you how often that happens to me) and thanks for the Etsy source!!! Love that!! ❤️

Luis
Luis
2 years ago

I do not have a disability but I can recall several bodily accidents in my life. This article is a reminder to see ourselves and others (especially our bodies) with acceptance and compassion rather than shame and guilt. Thank you!

Marilyn Daggett Schrader
Marilyn Daggett Schrader
2 years ago

interested in what is inside that is absorbent. I’m a quilter and could do this. I have had a kidney transplant an sometimes my kidney and bladder cross wires (my terminology). These would be helpful.