My wife, Karen, is amazing. She is a professor teaching leadership and ethics, and is a few years retired from the Navy as a commander, so I listen carefully when she has something to say. We regularly discuss how we are feeling and how we can better assist each other. We started to go out when the weather got nicer last year to do socially distanced walks.

During one of these walks, I asked her what grade she would give me on my attitude and approach to dealing with the pandemic. She said C-, which made me laugh and say, “What?”

“You’re not doing too well,” was her response.

“What do you mean?”

“Your feelings are not the mission,” she replied.

This struck me … it was a real shock and a frustrating realization. “What do you mean?” I asked again.

“The mission is for all of us to achieve a goal, and in this case, you do this by taking care of yourself, and consistently demonstrating that to the person on your left and your right. This type of team demonstration grows over time and is where systemic change occurs,” she explained.

Over the following weeks, I mulled over how we stay positive even though we still have the right to be upset when we’re losing control. This made me spend more time thinking about how I am conducting myself.

In my search for an “anchor,” or something I could control physically, I settled on my hair. Starting March 3, 2020, I let all my hair grow for a year (other than my nose hair because that’s disgusting). On March 2, 2021, looking hideous and hippied-out, I decided it was time to break out the scissors.

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Karen recommended finding something to do every week as an “anchor.” For us, this anchor became playing a game with my parents on Sundays via Zoom. After the board game, we talk for about 20 minutes, connect and say out loud what we don’t like, then get past that. Next, we get to the good things in our story and we always say, “What’s one thing that you’re happy about today?” or, “What’s one thing that you’re  thankful about today?”

Karen and I have taken to asking that question, if not every day, every other day. So, for the last several months we have consistently talked about what we’re thankful for almost every day. This bleeds into conversations with our colleagues, team members, the medical staff and nurses, our friends. I laugh now because sometimes I’ll be on a Zoom meeting and someone will say, “Hey Todd, what are you thankful for today?”

In response to the pandemic, I have changed my lifestyle dramatically. I haven’t gone into a grocery store since March 13, 2020; I haven’t cut my hair since March 3, and I’ve kept isolated from friends and family to a degree I couldn’t have imagined just over a year ago. That’s all intentional. It’s all on purpose. It’s me being cognizant of what’s around me and wanting to show others around me that I care about their health and mine.

In my observation, the people around us do the same thing. We all have different lives and need to structure them accordingly while staying safe as we put groceries on the table and live our lives as best as we possibly can.

Whether it’s a metaphor or a reality, we’re battling the machine. Right now, my biggest machine is my feelings. So, this article is me being transparent and naming my feelings so I can push through them.

I think we are powerful, and I’m amazed at how big a positive or negative impact our actions can have. Our history is full of examples, and you can see both sides right now in our responses to the pandemic, social issues, weather and more.

So, how do you keep pushing through? It’s about attitude, remembering that our feelings are not the mission.

We are in this together, so remember to name your machine, demonstrate to your left and right, and then push through it. Mad respect.