I’ve been working on a replacement shower chair for a long time. I’m told it’s coming, but I’ll believe it when I see it. In the meantime, I’m using a really dilapidated bath chair. So the other night, I’m in it, doing my thing with my nurse, when, without any warning, the back mesh portion comes completely undone from the frame. I feel gravity hit hard when it lets go, and I fall backwards. If I were a skinnier dude, I would’ve found myself bent in some sort of hardcore yoga pose with my head on the tile, or worse. Luckily, I have some extra padding that kept me supported enough in the frame to stay upright.

Once we knew I wasn’t in immediate danger, I chuckled. My nurse started to laugh and didn’t stop. Through her tears, she called my wife in and they busted up together. “What’s up, ladies?” I asked. My wife grabbed her phone and snapped a pic to show me what the fuss was about. As I imagined, the mesh back was nowhere to be seen, but the Y of the reclining cable was still there. It now rested perfectly in line with the top of my butt crack and split out with a cable extending out and over each cheek. It looked very convincingly like I was wearing a G-string.

—Live Thong and Prosper