Feeling My Pain


My eyes are closed, and I scan my body from head to toe. What do I feel right  in this moment?

Eyebrows, chin, jaw. Neck — it’s tight and hurts.

Shoulder, hurts. Elbows, wrists, they’re on fire. Fingertips are tingling.

A flare at my hips crackles and hisses, screaming through my legs to my feet.

I identify areas where I’m in pain, take a deep breath, and visualize exhaling into the pain. It dissolves, even if only briefly.

I have constant nerve pain or muscle aches and have made the decision to stay away from pain meds unless I absolutely need them.  Stubborn? Yes. In my journey to be pain-free I have tried many alternatives and a combination of all make my day somewhat manageable, most of the time.

A friend once told me, “Your pain is chronic. Acknowledge it, and then let it go.” Easy for him to say, the guy without pain. But he was right. I practice doing this — acknowledging it and letting it go.

It chooses to stay. And so, we co-exist.

Pain-free. Do I even remember what that feels like? I have come to the realization that pain is a part of my life. It’s not something that’s happening to me, and I try to stop hating or resenting it. Instead, as I practice acknowledging my pain, I also look for enjoyable or pleasurable moments in my day, such as the sun warming my skin or savoring a meal, and I acknowledge them too.

Still, sometimes I can’t even concentrate. Pain takes over my thoughts. Sometimes pain just sucks. I share this with you so maybe you don’t feel so alone or defeated, and because if we can’t say it to each other, then who else?

Thanks for feeling my pain.


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