Bully Pulpit: Outdoor Adventure for Wimps


Tim Gilmer

August. Time to go into the wild. Test your courage. But if you’re like me, you may be inclined to decline. I’m a certified stay-indoors wimp. People think my bald spot is due to age. Truth is, it’s a terminal case of “recliner cap.” But in the spirit of this issue, I’ve decided to take you on a tour of my Five Most Daring and Stupid Courageous Stunts.

Head Planting

I used to serve on the board of SOAR — Shared Outdoor Adventure Recreation. On a monoskiing excursion, I drove four of us — all disabled — up a mountain. At 4,000 feet we encountered icy roads and falling snow — “Chains Required.” I had never put chains on, and as a card-carrying para and wimp, I wanted someone else to do it. Peter, who had CP, couldn’t hold his hands still enough. Max, the quad, had a better excuse than I did. That left José, the blind guy. Don’t laugh. He was the mechanical wizard of the group. Houdini with hands. He worked his magic and we drove on. Then came the challenging part: I also had zero experience skiing. My best events were Ski Lift Wipeout, Shoulder Jamming and Extreme Head Planting.

Bee Rescuing

Water sports are more my style. I love to float on my back and turn lazy somersaults underwater. But in the country where I live, there is still a sizable bee population, and for some reason they all want to swim with me. To protect myself and save them from drowning, I developed a kind of Kung Fu approach, believing I was somehow immune from getting stung. I let them climb onto the back of my hand and did the one-handed sidestroke to the deck and placed them in the sun. Until I met an African bee who did not believe in Kung Fu.

Stinging Nettle Surfing

I used to own a three-wheel all-terrain cycle for getting around on my property. Driving on sidehills requires caution, smarts, and skills. But I am deficient in at least one of these areas in any given moment. So I put a lot of time in practicing tumbling. Tumbling into thistle patches, bogs, poison ivy and stinging nettle. I never did find the kind of all-body spacesuit needed to stay free of welts, rashes and bruises.

Mole Tossing

Moles enjoy the run of my property, so once in a while, just for fun, I attack them. Nothing works. One day I shoved a hose down a hole. It worked! A wet mole popped his head out, my golden retriever grabbed him with his soft mouth and dropped him on my leg. The powerful claws dug in. I screamed, tossed him frantically over my head and watched as he landed on the roof, rolled down and landed in my lap again. Moles always win.

Wheelchair Rocketry

Ever try rolling as fast as you can downhill on a warped sidewalk and watching stupidly as your footplates bottom out? If you like being launched, I highly recommend it.


Support New Mobility

Wait! Before you wander off to other parts of the internet, please consider supporting New Mobility. For more than three decades, New Mobility has published groundbreaking content for active wheelchair users. We share practical advice from wheelchair users across the country, review life-changing technology and demand equity in healthcare, travel and all facets of life. But none of this is cheap, easy or profitable. Your support helps us give wheelchair users the resources to build a fulfilling life.

donate today

Comments are closed.