Mike ErvinSo I told my doctor I can’t sleep at night. And my doctor says, “Why not?”

And I said, “It’s those damn lefty political magazines. I read them every night on the crapper just before I go to bed. I read about how the evil guys are screwing us all over, and I get all worked up and I can’t fall asleep.”

So my doc says, “Well then don’t read those lefty political magazines.” He told me I had to go cold turkey. Don’t agitate the brain right before bed. Shut it down completely. So he gave me a prescription for glamour magazines.

But a few days later I went back to my doc and I said, “I still can’t sleep at night. When I read the lefty political magazines, I go to bed all worked up knowing how the evil guys are screwing us over. But when I read the glamour magazines, I go to bed all worked up wondering how the evil guys are screwing us over behind my back. Ignorance is bliss until you get blindsided.”

So my doc said since cold turkey didn’t work, there was only one course of action left to pursue: political moderation.

Those were the words I most dreaded hearing