Let’s face it, we all fear what’s coming: all-inclusive 100 percent accessibility.
We can already see the germ of this nightmare in action: When accessible parking privileges escalated to include dyslexia and troublesome rashes, everyone and their mother-in-law snapped up the prime spots. And why shouldn’t they? Who’s to say a crick in the neck or those weepy morning eyes don’t make an extra-wide parking space medically indispensable?
Same thing with accessible bathroom stalls. Any Wall Street fat cat with an oversized briefcase should have a legitimate claim to super-sized butt space, right?
Let’s consult our crystal ball to see the extreme outcome: To nail down his re-election, President Obama tricks Congress into passing a bill that no one reads. Legislators think they are signing on to an automatic annual pay raise that expires when they do, but in reality the bill mandates 100 percent accessibility for every imaginable disabling condition. Here’s how it might play out:
An automated wake-up call on your complimentary iPhone gently rouses you from sleep (a seductive voice — male, female, both or “other” — your choice): “Dear physically, mentally, emotionally or virtually-challenged person or entity: Please wake up now. Your taxpayer-funded attendant will be arriving via the new All-Inclusive Taxi Service in 15 minutes.”
You doze off, but when you wake you are surpris