Have you ever experienced a sexual turning point in your life? A re-awakening? That’s what our In The Loop question asked, and here’s what you told us. While many of you included your names, they have been withheld to protect the reawakened.
My sex life before my accident was excellent. So being cut off cold turkey by T9 paraplegia was devastating to my ego and manhood. Could I have sex? What would I feel? Should my wife of 14 years have to suffer because of my accident?
While I was in rehabilitation, I asked my nurses what they knew about sex after an injury like mine. Some were obviously embarrassed. It was as if they thought I would have to do something unnatural and perverse.
I thank God daily that one of my nurses had researched the topic herself and was gracious enough to impart her wisdom. She convinced my wife and me that we had to be open to many possibilities, and told us about Enabling Romance, by Ken Kroll and Erica Levy Klein. Because of my religious convictions, I do not espouse all of the techniques described in the book. But a spinal injury does not give you the luxury to be prudish, and I was grateful for the advice. Our rediscovery of my sexuality was almost like our honeymoon, and we had a lot of fun letting nature take its course.
My former husband and I had a very stressful nine years due to my wheelchair. Sex was frustrating for both of us and, in the end, I felt asexual. I kept on reading about people in wheelchairs having fulfilling sex lives, but I decided to focus my time and energy on my daughter and friends.
My divorce was a few days away from being finalized when I met a man who was engaging and did not care that I used a wheelchair. He believed in me as a person and a lover, and the first time we made love, he made me feel alive again. To my delight, and for the first time in nine years, I was also able to achieve an orgasm.
This wonderful man gave me back my self-esteem. My friends and family members notice a change. I now feel confident that I am a complete woman with dignity intact.
Imagine . . .
What disturbed me enormously at the time of my accident was that I was still a virgin and would never experience “normal” sex. I used a condom catheter and felt ashamed, embarrassed and uncertain. For a few years, I thought of myself as sexually dead.
I was only in a sexual coma. My sexual awakening occurred when I was 21 with my first girlfriend. She took the initiative, we had oral sex, and she had the mother of all orgasms. Yet I still regretted the fact that I couldn’t have normal sex. She encouraged me to share my fantasies and to think about how I may want to compensate for whatever I lacked. The idea of another guy being aroused by her was the fantasy that turned me on the most, and it opened a Pandora’s box. I started to imagine othe