Several months ago at the Portland International Airport, in the midst of a routine patdown, a second uniformed TSA employee approached and told me I had tested positive for explosives. Me? Explosives? I knew it wasn’t my shoes because I tend not to ever wear them anymore, except when traveling. Could it be my underwear? […]
Some of these inventions for wheelchair users undoubtedly already exist, but I guarantee that some of them don’t (generally because they are outlandish or endearingly impractical), but each of them puts a spotlight on one of the small but troublesome dilemmas that plague my particular corner of the disability universe. I am guessing I am not completely alone. And the more small problems that get solved cheaply, easily and practically, the more time we disabled folk have left over for higher level functions.
The Wheelchair Front-Plow
A wide, V-shaped flexible plow that easily attaches to the front of your chair, like a snowplow but for light-duty use. Made of stiffened rubber or some durable, flexible but strong plastic, it would hug the ground and push all manner of objects in your path out of the way. It would have to be wide enough to direct items beyond the reach of your back wheels so you don’t crunch them on your way through. All those years of navigating a living room strewn with Lego pieces after the kids went to bed would have been a lot easier with this implement. A corollary design might have brushes, allowing you to sweep the floor like those drivable lawnmowers handle a field, and you would just make a long, systematic pass through your house to clean up.
The Back Hook Implant
If I become a hoarder, it won’t be my damn fault. You can blame it on sick children. The little runts pulled a fast one on me by moving from their raggedy old hospital into a shiny new one. And never did anyone stop for one minute to consider how this move would affect me. […]
Let’s face it: Most wheelchair users are way too nice. We all want to do the right thing, be independent, be strong, never ask for pity or a helping hand. That’s certainly admirable, if, say, your goal in life is for people to say glowing things about you at your funeral. Someone might even record […]
Imagine the employment rate among cripples is still as God-awful low as always. It hasn’t improved much in the two decades since the ADA was signed. I’m very surprised by this. As I watched the ADA signing ceremony on the White House lawn that glorious day in 1990, I was sure that employers across the […]
To live life in a wheelchair is to be exposed to a constant barrage of insults, real and imagined. The problem with most of these slurs — some of them dating back to Helen Keller — is that they have been decried so many times that they have lost their sting, their ability to shock, […]
So I told my doctor I can’t sleep at night. And my doctor says, “Why not?” And I said, “It’s those damn lefty political magazines. I read them every night on the crapper just before I go to bed. I read about how the evil guys are screwing us all over, and I get all […]
If you use a wheelchair, the current Age of Man is techno-Valhalla. Because a group of brainiacs formed the Homebrew Computer Club in Palo Alto back in the ’70s, we now live in an almost completely available iWorld — soon to include the iWristwatch — and are all now part of a big iBrain. There’s […]
I feel enough time has passed to where I can finally write a review of the movie The Last of the Mohicans. I’ve been burning to write a review ever since I saw that movie when it came out in 1992, but every time I tried, I realized it was still too soon. The memory […]
Love her or hate her, we have a lot of things to thank Oprah for – the freebie giveaway trend (you know it), crazy celebrity interviews aaaand Dr. Phil (cough). But there’s one more thing I really love Oprah for – she made straws cool. You know how it is, whipping a straw out for […]