This issue definitely needs more discussion, and NOT on Facebook for reasons you point out. My experience pre-Internet in the early 80s, and post-divorce in this millenium, has been that 'devos' needed for poor self-esteem reasons to be the shining-knight, how noble of him since she must live with a Glass Menagerie. I'm sorry you've had dangerous experiences beyond the pathetic. As for them getting aroused by 'your life's greatest sadness:' it has nothing to do with you, human beings seem to be able to make a fetish out of any human attribute, let them find the lid for their pot over on Craigslist and leave us alone.

Thx for responding, Helen. I just hope this blog gets to those creeps, so they can take a long hard look at their actions.

I ran into one on one of the yahoo groups...I just thought he was another disabled group member and after writing for a couple weeks he started to ask weird questions. that was it for me. I want someone to want inspite of my disability not because of it!

Wannabes, yes I agree WTF. On the other hand when I meet someone I like, I can't get their phone number. They tell me how smart I am or funny or I have such a great attitude.... Nothing, nada, zilch!!! I have been shooting blanks for 25 years now when it comes to getting a date. Hhhhhhhh.......

I'm in a chair 18 years now and just today learned the word divotee and it's meaning. However I have met some men online that do want a pwd just 4 sexual fantasy. I am lucky that I met a man after just two months of trying on pof dating site that has turned out to a serious thing with us living together over a year now. But thanks for your blog and warning of the dangers for us out there.

I believe there is nothing wrong with finding disabled bodies particularly attractive, as long as you are not a disrespectful perv about it. Historically, African americans faced slavery, abuse and discrimination because of skin color. If you find them particularly attractive, does not mean you condone their painful past. Transgendered people often live in agony due to gender identity confusion, social isolation and surgeries. If you are sexually attracted to trans people, does not mean you enjoy that pain they had to endure. it means you find their body beautiful, and unique as it is. I"m a woman who finds disabled men attractive (if they're handsome, "my type" and intelligent). There are many rude devotees on the web, and I hate them, because they misrepresent thoughtful and respectful devotees who do not engage in creepy stalkerish things on the web. Thats why you don't see them. They are busy minding their own business.

and on the note of pretenders/ wannabes: I do not understand this behavior, but I think they are mentally ill. Just as physical disabilities are very real challenges, mental illness are challenges...people who want to be disabled are sick, in their minds. I'm not saying it's okay, but don't be so quick to make fun...they have mental problems you can't understand. Instead of judging, have compassion and be happy that your mind is healthy

I agree that the behaviors outlined in this article DO happen, but I argue that there are plenty of Dev's who are kind, respectful, loving, caring, and who love a person for more than their disability. There is a difference between admiring and being a fetishist. Some men want big breasts, should he feel bad because his girl went through pain to get those big breasts? I've had some really bad experiences with Dev's in my 20+ years on the net, and I've met some wonderful ones. They don't need me to need them. They don't need to "care" for me. I've been engaged to and living with a Dev for 4 years. You'd never know he's a Dev. I cook, I clean, I help take care of his kids. I'm expected to be a full partner in this relationship. The only "difference" is he appreciates my WHOLE body (I'm a DAK w/ 2 ostomies) where men before him appreciated me DESPITE my body. I feel sexier and more alive now than I ever have. Don't count out a whole group because of a few bad guys.

1000 characters isn't enough. Most of the bad apples you'll run into on the net couldn't have a real relationship with any woman, let alone a disabled one. There are just as many non-Dev jerks online as there are bad Dev's. There is just as much, if not more, able bodied porn on the net as there is disabled. My friends thought it was cool! Knowing how I had been treated in the past they were thrilled I finally had someone who loved me, ALL OF ME. My relationship works because we work at it. We talk, we're loyal, we care for each other as any two people would. He works at a job I work at home to keep things clean and streamlined. He doesn't need to be my "knight" though in many ways he is, as any man in your life should be. Don't believe all the bad. There is good out there.