RSSAuthor Archive for Mike Ervin

Mike Ervin

Ervin: No More Cripple Card

Some crippled activists take this equal access under the ADA stuff way too far. They need to be stopped before they ruin everything for the rest of us.

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Not Crippled Enough?

I’m betting that pretty soon I’ll be seeing more fusion cripples with two or more crippling conditions that form a fusion name, like ampuquad.

Mike Ervin

Ervin: White Elephant Disaster

If I become a hoarder, it won’t be my damn fault. You can blame it on sick children. The little runts pulled a fast one on me by moving from their raggedy old hospital into a shiny new one. And never did anyone stop for one minute to consider how this move would affect me. […]

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Pray for Nuclear War

Imagine the employment rate among cripples is still as God-awful low as always. It hasn’t improved much in the two decades since the ADA was signed. I’m very surprised by this. As I watched the ADA signing ceremony on the White House lawn that glorious day in 1990, I was sure that employers across the […]

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Passionate Moderates of America

So I told my doctor I can’t sleep at night. And my doctor says, “Why not?” And I said, “It’s those damn lefty political magazines. I read them every night on the crapper just before I go to bed. I read about how the evil guys are screwing us all over, and I get all […]

Camping in Accessible Cabins

Camping in Accessible Cabins

I love camping. I hate camping. Camping is a pain in the ass, especially when you’re crippled. Even if I could hammer stakes into the ground and pitch a tent, why would I want to? This is supposed to be a vacation. And sleeping on the hard lumpy ground with my bony body is hardly […]

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Mohican Rage

I feel enough time has passed to where I can finally write a review of the movie The Last of the Mohicans. I’ve been burning to write a review ever since I saw that movie when it came out in 1992, but every time I tried, I realized it was still too soon. The memory […]

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Su Casa es Mi Casa

There was a mystery entrée on my aunt’s dinner plate in the nursing home. It looked sort of like a hunk of meatloaf sandwiched between two pieces of yellowish sandpaper. Was it lasagna? Or maybe a sad attempt at enchiladas? My aunt seemed to recall that whatever this main course was, it had a fancy […]

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Straw Users Unite!

We’re passionate about full and equal access to martinis. Here’s a subject that’s been gnawing on my last nerve for a long time: Straws! I’ll tell you what I hate with all the fury of Hades. I hate when I buy a bottled beverage and I put a straw in it and the straw is […]

Mike Ervin

Ervin: Cub Scout Disability Awareness

What I remember most about being a Boy Scout is that I really sucked at it. I don’t think I made it past tenderfoot because I was too damn lazy. I fantasized about having my own sash adorned with merit badges. But I couldn’t figure out how to get merit badges without having to work […]