Nighttime can be a dangerous time if you have a disability. Your mind definitely wanders more when you’re in bed alone. Even if you’re not in bed alone, the mind will still wander as you lie there, and it will sometimes wander to some not very pleasant places when you have a disability.
I am a true insomniac. Every night I struggle with turning my mind off. Trying not to worry about this or that or wasting my thoughts on things I cannot change is something I fall prey to way too easily. A little bit of worrying can be a good thing, but dnot past your bedtime.
It can be terrible, pounding such bad thoughts into your brain during the twilight hours. You never want to willingly overwhelm yourself with negativity. How do you manage? Here’s a look into my typical night, bad thinking habits included.
12 midnight: Stressing about the next day
Before I even go to sleep my mind is already racing, worrying about whatever is coming up the next day. I could have absolutely nothing planned except ordering pizza and watching movies all day and I would still worry about it from my bed the night before, worrying about my PCA’s not being flexible enough and a lot more. It’s almost too easy to worry when you have a disability, but being organized definitely helps prevent your craziness from getting too severe.
2:30am: Lamenting the fates
As I lie in bed worrying about the next day, I’ll finally fall asleep in an hour. But that only lasts for a couple of hours before I have to wake up again to use the bathroom; something I really dislike. I’ll often find myself irrationally angry when I wake up, so upset that I’m paralyzed, and must wake up every night to go to the bathroom.
And the anger can get pretty bad. I often by myself in the middle of the night looking at my paralyzed limbs and wondering how this reality happened to me. I wish I could make it stop.
5:30am: Bad luck paranoia
And then at 5:30am I’ll wake up again because of body temperature issues. I’ll be either too warm or too cold, and I’ll have to fix my temperature before going to sleep. But before going back to sleep I rehash recent negative things. Doctors that have snubbed me, PCAs, worrying about bills, untimely death; everything.
It can be easy thinking you’re in for a life of bad luck when you have a disability, which I sometimes am guilty of. And then I’ll worry I won’t be able to fall back asleep and really drive myself crazy. lol.
We all can slip into negative thoughts at night. That much can’t be avoided. What you can do is make sure you don’t let it keep you up. Maybe you need some natural sleep remedies, or maybe you need some pharmaceuticals. Just find your secret to getting sleep and stick with it, and keep those negative thoughts out of the bedroom.
What bad thoughts keeps you up at night?